On the hazards of being an INTJ (Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory)
So I read something a couple of months ago that has been a window of revelation into myself and some of my reactions to things. Here it is in essence: because INTJs like myself often lack empathy, that intuitive sense of what someone else is feeling, they are particularly dependent on external cues like facial expression or tone of voice.
Wow. This was like a light coming on. Most, if not all, of my more extreme reactions are in response to a look which I may interpret as contemptuous, or a tone of voice which implies I am an idiot.
Since the INTJ needs to be competent, these stimuli are almost guaranteed to provoke a defensive or angry response. Because of my lack of empathy, I can place too much weight on these other sources of information, and sometimes be overly sensitive to them. The tricky thing is now that I know this, I still don't seem to be able to moderate my emotional response to those inputs.
I thought I would share this, since INTJs generally consider themselves a huge gift to the world, and now, having discovered a downside, I thought it only right to share.
So, what sets me off is when I feel that someone is implying that I'm incompetent, or an idiot. What sets you off?
So I read something a couple of months ago that has been a window of revelation into myself and some of my reactions to things. Here it is in essence: because INTJs like myself often lack empathy, that intuitive sense of what someone else is feeling, they are particularly dependent on external cues like facial expression or tone of voice.
Wow. This was like a light coming on. Most, if not all, of my more extreme reactions are in response to a look which I may interpret as contemptuous, or a tone of voice which implies I am an idiot.
Since the INTJ needs to be competent, these stimuli are almost guaranteed to provoke a defensive or angry response. Because of my lack of empathy, I can place too much weight on these other sources of information, and sometimes be overly sensitive to them. The tricky thing is now that I know this, I still don't seem to be able to moderate my emotional response to those inputs.
I thought I would share this, since INTJs generally consider themselves a huge gift to the world, and now, having discovered a downside, I thought it only right to share.
So, what sets me off is when I feel that someone is implying that I'm incompetent, or an idiot. What sets you off?
posted by Glyn Norman at 10:10 PM
12 Comments:
false humility points... "I can't believe that God has blessed me with a church that started with 25 people and over the space of three years grown to 2,500 people." - remember the conferences we'd went to?
and as you know, the whole barefoot, pregnant, make pies, sing in the choir, box that some men put women in. I get really fiesty about that.
Ah, the joys. Such classic moments.
I could speak with some genuine humility points now... "God blessed us with a church of 600 and by his grace, we are now 200..." ;)
Well, really, there are sooooo many things that set me off. Today I choose overly strong opinions. You know, the "your either with me or you are a raging, lunatic, idiot" kind of opinions. These can fall under the political, religious, parenting, etc., categories. Unfortunately, as much as I am loving the blogging, there are a lot of such opinions out here in the blogosphere.
It reminds me of a dream I had during the last presidential election. I dreamt that I started a new political party. It was a grassroots movement that was gaining ground. It was the political party with no platform other than having a reasonable discourse and being polite to one another. I woke up all warm and fuzzy. This could just work! We would change the world! It was all very exciting until I realized it was just a dream and that I have very little hope that such a thing is possible.
My only response in the face of such vitriolic hate-mongering (so often done in the name of peace, love, tolerance, God) is to walk away. My blood is boiling, my mind is sputtering, but what is the point of trying to dialogue with someone who has made up his/her mind that you are an idiot? I won't become that which I hate. (I hope... please help me, Lord.)
Omigosh, Glyn. I did it again. Your instead of You're. Just shoot me now. I am beyond all hope and do not deserve to live!
Hmmm...which one to pick...
I guess today what sets me off is people who pretend they don't see you when you know they do. The dehumanizing aspects of living in an urban area where it is acceptable to treat people like they don't exist or even be outright rude to them. The attitude that "if I don't know you, if you're not my friend, a part of my circle, then you are less human and I can pretend you are not there."
From another INTJ, yes, yes. I misjudge what other people feel because I can't THINK of what FEELINGS they would respond with. Jessica gave me some good advice on this: Make them tell you. If you THINK someone FEELS anger toward you, because of gestures or facial expressions, ask them. Be direct. And if they say no, then I need to conclude that I misjudges the clues and move on. (or they are lying, which I do not even think because that is not the kind of friends I want in my life). Of course, this is all easier said than done, because I tend to over-think my response and then the friend's response . . . I just tell myself, "Stop. Grow up. Let it go. It's not always about you."
Wow. I had no idea I had so much to say. Great post, Glyn!
Feeling a little mischievous this a.m.
I notice the woman parade continues around here. You're (ahem, notice correct usage) going to have to write some manly posts about somethin' to get the male readership or I'm just going to start referring to us as Glyn's Bevy of Commenting Beauties.
interesting.
i have the feeling i have heard this somewhere before, hmmmm.
nothing sets me off, i have no buttons to push.
if someone rolls their eyes at me i will stick out my tongue at them.
i am so full of it.
i certianly have some "flare-up" buttons.
i hate it when someone puts words in my mouth, or thinks they know what i mean when i am pretty sure they don't. i hate being perceived as judgemental, yet because i am so outspoken it seems that i come across often as judging. i overreact when trying to correct what i beleive are misconseptions about what i am thinking.
i am sure i'll think of more...
OK, I know you are busy, but time for a new post! Also, have you seen this blog yet? http://veganlunchbox.blogspot.com/
thought of you :)
hey - i second what sheila said.
waiting...
(this is as polite as i know how to be)
I think he is too busy trying to take over the world.
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